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The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare latest report states 8 people died from Heroin

overdoses in the NT, 6 in 2002 and 2 in 2003

see report

NT Government Drug and Alcohol Support Listing

Great new site with Northern Territory links

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Personal Stories

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DRUG ARTICLES AND LINKS OF INTEREST

CHAT-BOARD METH UUSERS

MEDICAL INFO AND LINKS OF INTEREST

The age-adjusted NT suicide death rate was 21 deaths per 100,000 people, compared with the national rate of 13 during 1998-2002.

IS IT REALLY WORTH IT

1990------------------1995

This is what injecting methamphetamines can do for your complexion people

OR MORPHINE

Injecting temazepam into deeper, larger veins such as those in the groin or the neck is risky. You have a greater chance of missing, and hitting tissue around the vein. There is also a good chance of hitting a nerve (which is extremely painful), or an artery.

Injecting temazepam into tissue will burn it, causing swelling. This tissue is more likely to get infected. You could get an abscess or an ulcer. Inflamed, swollen and infected tissue makes it harder to find the vein. You risk hitting an artery.

In your groin, the arteries supply blood to your leg and genitals. Injecting temazepam into these arteries can lead to a loss of toes, feet, your whole leg, or even your genitals!

IS THE HIGH WORTH THE DAMAGE AND FAMILY BREAKDOWN
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MJA REPORT

A 29-YEAR-OLD unemployed man presented with pain and swelling of the right hand. He reported two occasions of intravenous drug use during the previous three days: a single heroin dose, followed by temazepam (4 × 10 mg gel capsules, dissolved in hot water). He was right-handed. On both occasions he injected into a superficial blood vessel on the back of the right hand. On presentation, the clinical diagnosis was inadvertent intra-arterial injection of temazepam, with vascular endothelial damage secondary to macrogols (used to increase viscosity in gel capsule manufacture). The patient's condition was managed with elevation of the forearm, aspirin, heparin anticoagulation, empirical parenteral antibiotics and analgesia. Over three days the patient showed substantial improvement, allowing discharge with follow-up in one week. Four days later, he returned with increasing pain. He denied further intravenous drug use. He had normal arterial pulses, but the distal fingers were cool. Fingertip sensation and capillary refilling were diminished. To improve perfusion and limit further thrombus development, an alprostadil infusion and oral nifedipine were introduced. Over 10 days, necrotic areas, involving index, middle and little fingers, developed and required amputation. The picture shows the patient's hand after surgical debridement and amputation of necrotic areas, three weeks after injection of temazepam.* *In December 2001, the Pharmaceutical Benefits Advisory Committee recommended that prescribing of temazepam capsules be restricted to people who have failed to respond to the tablets because of concerns about misuse by intravenous drug users

Princess Alexandra Hospital, Woolloongabba, QLD. Gerald FX Feeney, MB BCh BAO FRACP, Medical Director, Alcohol and Drug Assessment Unit; Harry H Gibbs, MB BS FRACP, Director, Department of Vascular Medicine. Correspondence: Dr Gerald F X Feeney, Princess Alexandra Hospital, Ipswich Road, Woolloongabba, QLD 4102. Gerald_FeeneyAThealth.qld.gov.au

INFORMATION REGARDING MENTAL HEALTH AND ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGS PROGRAM FUNDING AND INITIATIVES IN THE NORTHERN TERRITORY OF AUSTRALIA UNDER A LABOR GOVERNMENT

Alcohol and Other Drugs Program: The Alcohol & Other Drugs Program has been delivering accredited training in mental health and substance abuse in the NT over a two-year period. The training is accredited at a Post-Graduate level through the Institute of Psychiatry in NSW. In 2003, a three day training workshop was conducted in Alice Springs and Darwin In February 2004, a training workshop was conducted in Alice Springs. In April 2004, a training workshop is being conducted in Darwin. The NT Illicit Drugs Task Force recommended the delivery of training in relation to brief interventions and motivational interviewing. Training occurs on an ongoing basis and is part of training for Front Line Workers directly connected with alcohol and other drug issues. The Alcohol & Other Drugs Program in conjunction with Australian Remote and Rural Training Systems have developed a Brief Intervention Package. The training is incorporated into the Community Service Training Package. Mental Health Program: o In May 2003, Cabinet allocated an additional $7.2 million to mental health over a three year period; $0.9 million in 2003/04, followed by $2.4 million in 2004/05 and $3.9 million in 2005/06. o In December 2003, a further $1.1 million was allocated to mental health for 2004, with a full year effect of $2.2 million recurrently from 2004/05. o The additional funding from 2003/04 will translate into an overall increase of $12.7 million by 2006. o Much of this funding will purchase services which target individuals at high or increased risk of suicide (Action Areas 3 & 4 of the NT Framework for Suicide Prevention) and will help broaden the spectrum of care and support to prevent and intervene early with mental health problems, increase access to specialist mental health assessment, treatment and sub-acute care, as well as assist individuals recovery and rehabilitation. o A joint Mental Health/Alcohol & Other Drugs project has commenced to identify and analyse preferred strategies to enhance service delivery for clients with coexisting disorders (mental health/substance abuse) across the NT.

Youth suicides down Suicide rates among young Australians fell by nearly a third over the past six years, according to a new federal government-funded study. The results form part of a wide-ranging report on the health and wellbeing of young Australians aged 12-24, released by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW).

"There's good news and not so good news," report co-author Fadwa Al-Yaman told AAP. "Suicide rates between 1997 and now have declined by about 33 per cent," she said. Young males suicided four or five times more than females, but girls were hospitalised twice as much for intentionally harming themselves,

the report found. Road accidents were still the major killer of young people, but had decreased by more than 60 per cent since the early 80s, according to the findings. Dr Al-Yaman said the decrease in suicide rates could be partly attributed to improved public awareness and more effective suicide and injury prevention campaigns. "

Sometimes you can link a campaign to an outcome," she said. But there were also some more troubling findings, she said. Sexually transmitted diseases among young Australians had risen, with common infection chlamydia tripling its rate of infection amongst young people between 1991 and 2001.

And in South Australia - the only state where reliable, long-term data on pregnancy was available - there had been as many births as abortions among teenagers aged 15-19,

Dr Al-Yaman said. Anyone in need of counselling assistance can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Metropolitan Police Issued This Newsletter October 2003 MUST BE READ

Through a Rapist's Eyes A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1 The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail or other hairstyle that can be easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Woman with short hair are not common targets.

2 The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for woman whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3 They also look for women on their mobile phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking, because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4 The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape a woman is in the early morning, between 05.00 and 08.30 am.

5 The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman quickly mover her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

6 Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3 - 5 year sentence, but rape with a weapon is 15 - 20 years.

7 If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realise that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

8 These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

9 Several defence mechanisms he taught us are: if someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in a lift or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like "what time is it?" or make genera small talk, "I can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter". Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.

10 If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell "stop" or "STAY BACK". Most of the rapists talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

IT'S SIMPLE STUFF BUT IT COULD SAVE LIVES.

INFO from NARCONON

Marijuana

The harmful effects of marijuana on the Brain and Central Nervous System Impaired thinking, mood, memory, and coordination Marijuana (THC) is an extremely powerful and pleasurable intoxicant. It affects, alters, and damages brain cells controlling thinking, emotion, pleasure, coordination, mood and memory. The pituitary gland is also damaged which regulates hunger, thirst, blood pressure, sexual behavior, and release of sex hormones. Clogged synapses, brain damage and addiction Marijuana accumulates in the microscopic spaces between nerve cells in the brain called "synapses." This clogging interferes by slowing and impairing transfer critical information. Long term use causes the brain to stop production of brain chemicals necessary to "feel good" - a negative feedback condition. And, the user becomes chemically addicted to marijuana. The harmful effects of marijuana on the Heart Speeds up heartbeat as much as 50%, increases blood pressure, and poses great risk to those with hypertension and heart disease. The harmful effects of marijuana on the Endocrine System Marijuana damages the network of glands, organs, and hormones involved in growth and development, energy levels, and reproduction. Organs and glands affected: pituitary gland thyroid gland stomach duodenum pancreas adrenal glands testis The harmful effects of marijuana on the Reproductive System males and females Marijuana use can decrease and degenerate sperm, sperm count, movement, and cause lowered sex drive. Females can have egg damage, suppression of ovulation, disrupt menstrual cycles, and alteration of hormone levels. Regular use during pregnancy can lower birth weight and cause abnormalities similar to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (small head, irritability, poor growth and development. Can destroy the number of chromosomes, resulting in cell abnormalities and impaired function. Other affects on the central nervous system distortions of perceptions, thinking and reality Difficulty in forming concepts and thoughts Poor concentration Mental confusion Loss of motivation Wide mood swings Aggression and hostility Depression, anxiety and paranoia The harmful effects of marijuana on the Eyes Sleep looking, blood-shot eyes with dilated pupils. The harmful effects of marijuana on the Throat Irritates membranes of the esophagus; increases chance of developing cancer of larynx and esophagus. The harmful effects of marijuana on the Lungs Significant damage and destruction of the air sacs of the lungs, reducing the lungs ability to bring oxygen and remove carbon dioxide - Emphysema. Causes bronchial tubes to be inflamed, thickened and to produce more mucus; resulting in narrowing of the air passages - Chronic Bronchitis. Marijuana smoke has twice as much "tar" as cigarette smoke and significantly increases chance of lung cancer, inflammation and infection.

PRESS RELEASE-- March 2004

Identifies the newly appointed members of the next National Advisory Council on Suicide Prevention. 6 or so continue from previous Council/s or its subcommittees. Congratulations to all those appointed and thanks for continuing contributions which we value and thanks to the Council's Chairperson. Please circulate to your colleagues for their general information. best wishes jonine New National Advisory Council On Suicide Prevention -- Parliamentary Secretary for Health & Ageing TW 06/2004 Monday 29 March 2004 NEW NATIONAL ADVISORY COUNCIL ON SUICIDE PREVENTION The new National Advisory Council on Suicide Prevention would bring a wealth of knowledge and experience to the problem, the Parliamentary Secretary for Health, Trish Worth, said before the group met for the first time in Canberra today. Chaired by Professor Ian Webster, AO, the new council will continue to strengthen suicide prevention initiatives across Australia As part of the National Suicide Prevention Strategy, the Australian Government is spending around $10 million each year over the next two years for the council to develop national and community models on suicide prevention. "Suicide is a major public health problem in Australia, with about 2,300 people taking their life each year," Ms Worth said. "Suicide prevention is a major priority of this Government, and in the past 5 years there has been a 20 per cent drop in the number of deaths registered. "The Government alone cannot prevent suicide; it can only support the efforts of all Australians to combat these tragic events. "The new board, which has been appointed to June 2006, will provide a vital link between the community and government for an issue where community input and participation is essential. "The board has been set up to dispense wisdom and to work closely with government on National Suicide Prevention Strategy decisions, as well as to help local communities build resources that support people at risk of suicide or self-harming behaviours." Since the National Advisory Council on Suicide Prevention was first formed in October 2000, it has provided strategic advice to the government on suicide prevention and recommended support for 150 local community projects worth more than $22 million. Media Contact: Mark Williams, Trish Worth's office, 0401 147 558 National Advisory Council on Suicide Prevention -

Membership Professor Ian Webster AO Chair, National Advisory Council on Suicide Prevention Chair, Faculty of Medicine, University of NSW Professor Diego de Leo Director, Australian Institute for Suicide Research and Prevention Professor, Psychopathology and Suicidology, Griffith University Mr Max Gardner, AM Founder, Gardner Perrott Group Ltd. Cancer Consumer Advocate of the Year 2002. Ms Barbara Hocking Executive Director, SANE Australia (Business name of Schizophrenia Australia) Mr Wayne Koivu General Manager, Community Services, Wesley Mission Ms Lyn Littlefield, OAM Executive Director, Australian Psychological Society Mr Abd Malak, AM National Director, Australian Transcultural Mental Health Network Director, Multicultural Mental Health Australia Professor Graham Martin Director, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, University of Qld Ms Isobel Norvill Chair, South Australian Drug and Alcohol Council Mr Michael Perrott, Chairman, Troika Management Ltd, Troika Securities Ltd and other resource industry companies and management positions. Professor Matt Sanders Director, Parenting and Family Support Centre Professsor, Clinical Psychology, University of Queensland Ms Dawn Smith Chief Executive Officer, Lifeline Australia Inc Dr Victoria Wade General Practitioner GP Manager, Mental Health Program, SA Division of General Practice Mr Don Zoellner President, Australian Principals Association Pro Vice Chancellor, TAFE and Regional Operations, NT University Media contact: Mark Williams, Trish Worth's Office, 0401 147 558 Source: Parliamentary Secretary for Health Jonine Penrose-Wall

from Donna Jesses-wish

Drugs are a 24/7 problem

The Drug and Mental Health issues are still fairly and squarely in the news as we can see from Thursday's (Northern Territory News, October 4) paper.

How the hell can any change be made to these situations when all health and welfare and support agencies operate on a 9-to-5 basis? How many times have concerned parents rang Cowdy Ward (mental health ward) and been told to take the person to Accident and Emergency, then A&E have said it is a drug problem we can't help you.So then they ring Tamarind Centre and are told you have to make an appointment on Monday.

Suicidal tendencies, overdoses, severe depression in the great majority of cases happen at night, on weekends or on public holidays eg: Christmas, Easter and such, when people are lonely depressed confused. You cannot control mental illness. You cannot put a time frame on mental illness or drug abuse. Also, once a person is classed as an adult, the family and loved ones are not consulted properly or informed of the person's progress properly, yet they are the people who know, they are the people that live daily with the conse- quences of the mental illness or drug abuse.

Once the person is in the system "Dr Health" personnel after meeting, accessing and knowing these people for a short time presume they know more than the people that live with them.

This is emphasised in the case of Luke Littlejohn's coronial in- quiry freely available on the net.

The point I am trying to get across is that mental illness/drug misuse is not a 9-to-5 condition. Families and loved ones or carers have to be fully informed of the person's condition/risks associated/medication required for their safety and well-being and authorities and health profess- ionals need to be available 24 hours a day.

We have funding for 2.6 suicide prevention workers for 168 000 people. Until these things are ad- dressed people will keep on dying at the appalling rate they are now 41 suicides and five overdoses so far this year.2002

Jesse's Wish will be putting out info sheets on drug misuse, and community organisations will be attending to advise concerned parents of services available at , (As One Voice) National Memorial Day for deaths from Drugs and Suicides) on

November 2nd, 6pm to 9pm at the Darwin High School.

Donna Kittel Jesse's Wish Get High on Life Wangurl

*******************

Since this letter was written Mental health and addiction problem are being more closely looked at

and are starting to get dealt with, but there is still a long way to go to address these problems and people

are still dying needlessly, because they can not access rehabilitation services that deal with Co morbidity.

Donna

Letter and Responce to Alice Springs News by Donna

OVERDOSE DEATH: MOTHER WANTS HELP FOR ADDICTS! Report by KIERAN FINNANE.

One year after the death of her son, a mother is campaigning for better drug treatment regimes and services in the Territory, including medical treatment for addiction. Authorities say that at least some of her demands are already being met, among them medical treatment and management for opiate withdrawal, yet the request for such treatment in Central Australia has been very low. Authorities also says some of the woman's claims cannot be substantiated. Casuarina resident Donna Marie Kittel, mother of Jesse, wrote a passionate appeal to the Alice Springs News, which we quote in part:- Addicts have a medical condition. The use of mixed drugs ­ benzodiazipams, hallucinogens, amphetamines ­ causes among other things psychosis, violent mood swings, fits, burst blood vessels in the brain, amputations due to blockages of the arteries, and the associated diseases from sharing needles and poor hygiene, hepatitis, AIDS, etc. If these are not illnesses, I do not know what is. This is the climate the addict is living in now due to the government's refusal to put in place properly run and funded rehabilitation programs. Use of a regular pure controlled dose of morphine is far safer and easier to withdraw from, and these people should be able to access doctors that are willing to put them on a safe withdrawal program of morphine or methadone for the hard core addicts that have no decent lifestyle skills left. Naltrexone and abstinence programs also have a place in the rehabilitation plan. This should be agreed upon by the patient and doctor, and overseen by the government, with plenty of support services. If an alcoholic collapses, he is taken to hospital and treated; if you get lung cancer from smoking you are taken to hospital and treated; if you are an addict you should be taken to hospital and treated. If not, it is pure and simple discrimination. We have injecting drug users as young as 10 years old in Darwin, and we have not got any drug rehabilitation facilities for them, just as we have no facilities for any one with a mental illness, as I only know to well. These people need help. How many more houses, businesses, pharmacies and people have to get assaulted before [Chief Minister Denis Burke] uses the brains God gave him to think rationally for the good of all the people, and stop denying people their basic rights to medical treatment. I held my son Jesse in my arms as he drew his last breath. Being a qualified carer, can you imagine the agony of not being able to save my own son? I don't wish that on anyone, and yet I've had one kid tell me how lucky Jesse was because he was loved. Well, he may be dead, but by Christ, as long as I've got breath, I will be yelling long and hard until every other person out there gets the help they need. My son won't have died in vain. His death will be hope for the youth of the future. I'm asking all mothers to unite. None of us ever set out to have our child become an addict, it just happens sometimes. It doesn't discriminate, rich or poor, any sex or creed. Jesse died on the 28th of October 1999. I [had] a support group at my home at 7pm the night, one year to the day, that my pride, my joy, my reason for living was taken from me needlessly. € The following response to some of the issues raised in Mrs Kittel's letter was made by Territory Health Services via a spokesperson for Minister Steve Dunham:- Treatment facilities are available for drug treatment in each region. In Alice Springs services are available through Central Australian Alcohol and Other Drugs Services (CAAODS), DASA, and through Green Gates which is a recently established detoxification service (this is not a THS service). GPs are able to assist people who choose to withdraw from drugs using naltrexone, or through methadone (if they are approved by the Chief Health Officer in accordance with very strict protocols; please note this is methadone withdrawal program, not a maintenance program). THS has recently provided GPs with training in opiate withdrawal and management and in the use of naltrexone in order to extend options for people with drug problems. Doctors do put patients on safe withdrawal regimes for opiates all the time. This is absolutely not illegal but responsible medical management. However, they can only do this with the cooperation and participation of the patient. Despite these options demand for treatment is still quite low. In 1999 nine people accessed treatment services for opiate use in Alice Springs, with a further 21 people accessing treatment from Alice Springs-based services for poly-drug use, which may include opiates. The Department is hesitant to be drawn into comment regarding the claim about 10-year-old IV drug users, except to say that this has never been reported to us by any treatment agency, parent or by the Needle and Syringe Exchange Program. On the face of it, this statement seems to be both inflammatory and unsubstantiated. [The Alice Springs News reported DASA's concerns about lack of treatment facilities for underage users of cannabis in its issue of June 7.] Mental Health facilities are available in each region. People with a dual diagnosis issue are jointly managed across Alcohol and Other Drugs, and Mental Health. In Alice Springs a dual diagnosis clinic has been trialled through CAAODS for almost 12 months and is due for evaluation. Both Darwin and Alice Springs have Acute Care provided in hospitals; case management for outpatients; support through community mental health nurses; 24 hour crisis counselling; and rehabilitation services. € Leonie Young, NT manager of the Commonwealth Department of Health and Aged Care, provided the following information about Commonwealth funded initiatives:- The Council of Australian Governments Illicit Drug Diversion Initiative has provided $2.7m to the Northern Territory, the Central Australian component of which has not yet been determined. This initiative will focus on individuals who have had little or no past contact with the criminal justice system for drug offences and who are apprehended for use or possession of small quantities of any illicit drug. The initiative is expected to result in: € people receiving early incentives to address their drug use, in many cases before incurring a criminal record; € an increase in the number of illicit drug users diverted into drug education, assessment and treatment; € a reduction in the number of people appearing before the courts for use or possession of small quantities of illicit drugs. Significant funds have also been made available under the National Illicit Drug Strategy (NIDS) which is "committed to combating illicit drug use through a sharper focus on reducing the supply of drugs and reducing demand". "It encompasses a balanced package of measures aimed at law enforcement, education, treatment, and research." The Non-Government Organisation Treatment Grants Program Initiative has allocated over $2m to the Territory, of which $791,007 will go to projects in Central Australia. The Community Partnerships Initiative sees $339,237 going to the Territory, including $159,237 for Central Australia. (At the time of going to press, the Alice News had not received information about which particular organisations or projects were being funded under these initiatives.) € A spokesperson for the Mental Health Association of Central Australia Inc provided the following comment on the issue of "dual diagnosis":- There are some positive moves in Central Australia where the Alcohol and Other Drugs Service and the Mental Health Service, both run by THS, are planned to be merged next year. One positive outcome already is a dual diagnosis clinic at the hospital for people with both mental health and drug/alcohol problems. Unfortunately there are still major gaps and inadequacies in services available and most of this relates to budgets. For example, the Mental Health Service is largely a service for people in crisis due to funding limitations. This means that once people with mental health problems are out of crisis, there is little help available for them to keep improving. Mental illness is often cyclic. This means that there are many people who are well enough to be out of crisis but not well enough to benefit from rehabilitation services. These people need to get better or worse to gain access to services, if the appropriate service is available. Non-government organisations which provide mental health services are also under-funded. Gaps in service delivery include employment assistance where there is no specialised service for people with mental illness who aren't job ready yet. € The Alice News also asked Erik Michaelson, Manager of the Todd Street Centre which runs the Needle Exchange Program to comment. Mr Michaelson said a dedicated detoxification facility is definitely needed in Alice Springs. He said the private facility (referred to in the THS response) offers residential support for people seeking to withdraw from drug use. It is not a medical facility. He said the hospital is "not set up for detox", but "they do the best they can". He said he understands a "community needs assessment", utilising Commonwealth funds, will be undertaken next year and that any new initiatives are "on hold" until then. He said that at present people in Alice can "only guess" about the magnitude of the need. While there has been an 80 per cent increase in use of the Needle Exchange facility in the last financial year, that is only a measure of the success of the facility. It is not a measure of injecting drug use. € Meanwhile, Alice Springs Police are seeking community help with a confidential phone-in campaign, Operation Download, fighting the use and supply of drugs. The "dob-in-a-druggie" style campaign will be open for calls from the public on Thursday, November 30, on 1800 333 000. Southern Crime Division Superintendent Kate Vanderlaan said: "What we need from members of the public is information regarding the location of drugs and the identity of drug users and suppliers."

Crack and Cocaine

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FROM BEAUTY TO BEAST

Danielle Westbrook Nose damaged by cocaine use--Snorting their futures up the face The look, named the 'Westbrook', is achieved through excessive cocaine use simply dissolving away the piece of tissue separating the two nostrils, leaving just one visually striking 'uninostril'.

Cocaine

Cocaine is a powerfully addictive drug of abuse. Once having tried cocaine, an individual cannot predict or control the extent to which he or she will continue to use the drug. The major routes of administration of cocaine are sniffing or snorting, injecting, and smoking (including free-base and crack cocaine). Snorting is the process of inhaling cocaine powder through the nose where it is absorbed into the bloodstream through the nasal tissues. Injecting is the act of using a needle to release the drug directly into the bloodstream. Smoking involves inhaling cocaine vapor or smoke into the lungs where absorption into the bloodstream is as rapid as by injection. "Crack" is the street name given to cocaine that has been processed from cocaine hydrochloride to a free base for smoking. Rather than requiring the more volatile method of processing cocaine using ether, crack cocaine is processed with ammonia or sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) and water and heated to remove the hydrochloride, thus producing a form of cocaine that can be smoked. The term "crack" refers to the crackling sound heard when the mixture is smoked (heated), presumably from the sodium bicarbonate. There is great risk whether cocaine is ingested by inhalation (snorting), injection, or smoking. It appears that compulsive cocaine use may develop even more rapidly if the substance is smoked rather than snorted. Smoking allows extremely high doses of cocaine to reach the brain very quickly and brings an intense and immediate high. The injecting drug user is at risk for transmitting or acquiring HIV infection/AIDS if needles or other injection equipment are shared. Health Hazards Cocaine is a strong central nervous system stimulant that interferes with the reabsorption process of dopamine, a chemical messenger associated with pleasure and movement. Dopamine is released as part of the brain's reward system and is involved in the high that characterizes cocaine consumption. Physical effects of cocaine use include constricted peripheral blood vessels, dilated pupils, and increased temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure. The duration of cocaine's immediate euphoric effects, which include hyper-stimulation, reduced fatigue, and mental clarity, depends on the route of administration. The faster the absorption, the more intense the high. On the other hand, the faster the absorption, the shorter the duration of action. The high from snorting may last 15 to 30 minutes, while that from smoking may last 5 to 10 minutes. Increased use can reduce the period of stimulation. Some users of cocaine report feelings of restlessness, irritability, and anxiety. An appreciable tolerance to the high may be developed, and many addicts report that they seek but fail to achieve as much pleasure as they did from their first exposure. Scientific evidence suggests that the powerful neuropsychologic reinforcing property of cocaine is responsible for an individual's continued use, despite harmful physical and social consequences. In rare instances, sudden death can occur on the first use of cocaine or unexpectedly thereafter. However, there is no way to determine who is prone to sudden death. High doses of cocaine and/or prolonged use can trigger paranoia. Smoking crack cocaine can produce a particularly aggressive paranoid behavior in users. When addicted individuals stop using cocaine, they often become depressed. This also may lead to further cocaine use to alleviate depression. Prolonged cocaine snorting can result in ulceration of the mucous membrane of the nose and can damage the nasal septum enough to cause it to collapse. Cocaine-related deaths are often a result of cardiac arrest or seizures followed by respiratory arrest. Added Danger: Cocaethylene When people mix cocaine and alcohol consumption, they are compounding the danger each drug poses and unknowingly forming a complex chemical experiment within their bodies. NIDA-funded researchers have found that the human liver combines cocaine and alcohol and manufactures a third substance, cocaethylene, that intensifies cocaine's euphoric effects, while possibly increasing the risk of sudden death.

When you snort heroin,

you will probably get sick, your nose will run uncontrollably, and you'll get stomach cramps. Heroin causes a unique sensation of pleasure and pain, apparently different from other less toxic drugs. It also affects the heart, breathing, reproductive system, digestion, excretion, thinking, cough and nausea centers, eyes, voice box, muscles, and immune system. The drug's ability to relax muscles causes your eyelids to droop, your head to nod, and your speech to become slurred and slowed. Walking is also slowed. Your pupils become pinpoint and do not react to light, your skin dries out, and itching increases. Heroin also affects the hormonal system; a woman's period is delayed and a man produces less testosterone; sexual desire is dulled, often to the point of indifference. Non-intravenous heroin doesn't give nearly as intense a rush and so is thought to be less addicting. People who snort heroin can often do so on and off for long periods of time without becoming strongly addicted. This occasional use of heroin is called "chipping," and it seems that some lucky people can remain successful chippers over months. Unfortunately, a high percentage of chippers become addicts — most junkies begin as chippers, with no thought that they would ever become addicts.

Personal Stories

EMAIL STORY

I stumbled across your web site when I was looking for some poetry on-line. I to am an (recovering) addict. I was also born in 1973. I have lost friends to the epidemic of addiction and have nearly lost myself (physically). It is beautiful to see the site and read about your son. My condolences. However there is still joy, knowing he, like other passed souls continue to inspire the poets in this realm.

If it is not done for love, there is nothing in doing it.
Some may say we are in the heart of our thinking primordial animals; aggressive, defensive.
I say we are creatures of love;
bound by out attentiveness to it.
For God gives us nothing out of obligation;
but out of His natural inclination to the One Love.
So shall we express Him, through us, the same.

Dennis Darger
Queen Creek, Arizona, USA

Grief Death and Me, now where to start? My name is Donna Kittel, I'm 49 yrs old Im a mother but my child is not with me anymore. Well 4 yrs ago on 28/10/99 my only child my 25-year-old son Jesse overdosed on a mixture of MS Contin/ Epilepsy Meds/ Temazipine. As I've traveled the bumpy road of grief, depression, suicidal tendencies over the last 4 years, I have had pause to think, when did these weird and confusing thoughts start ? I have had to be honest and admit they started long before Jesse's death. They started with the realization my son was an adult and I had no control over his choices in life. The day I realized he was an addict and there was not a thing I could do about it, but love him unconditionally as always. Blame Prayers Love Anger Depression Hate Humor Denial these are things that visit us daily and they are totally irrelevant to the situation but apart of the situation and normal, these things are a part of everyday life. I have managed to survive, as I am writing to you all now, I will keep on managing because I realize while I'm alive my son will live on through me and enable me to share my experiences in the hope it will help others. I am basically just a mother of a dead addict and valued son, that is all the qualifications I have, being a mother and surviving through the lead-up the addiction, the death the family break down and the survival after death, claiming over 10 yrs of my life. I would like to share my story and my surviving skills with the many other wonderful people trying to cope with similar circumstance, an allow you to share your experiences with me and hopefully we can form friendship and support of each other, knowing we have paid the ultimate price to join this club

The Death of a Loved One

Just another day

. I have been sober for 6 years. Cocaine was my choice of drugs. I did not go to a re-hab to get clean, I stopped when there was no money left, nothing left to take to the pawn shop. Just me and my boyfriend and the will in our hearts not to mention desire to stop this losing battle. During my drug use years I had several seizures. Ofcoarse I could never remember anything about them at all. I had smashed my face so hard into a dresser one time which left my face totally bruised and swollen, I would have never believed my boyfriend telling me I had a seizure again if I couldn't see for myself. Even than it didn't matter I just wanted the pipe again and again. Now 6 years down the road and 39 years old, I know I have done some permanent damage to my brain. There are spaces of time from my past that I can no longer remember, not only when I was using but even today not much registers for any length of time, it's like I have a big eraser in my head. Atleast I am here but yet I wish there was something more I could do to help someone out. Just yesterday I was waiting in the car for my boyfriend to come out of a store and right next to our car a van pulled up with a lady in it, a second later a man got into her car. I saw money exchange and something else.... 30 seconds later she was long gone and here comes another customer, same thing all over again. Just another day, just another user, just another seller, just another person dying inside. That person saying to themselves it will all be okay because it's getting dark outside and hopefully I will get some much needed sleep tonight because I cannot miss anymore work.....and than the hours fly by. Sleep that's a joke you didn't even sit down for more than 5 minutes all night long. Now the darkness as turned to light and it makes your head hurt even more because "It's just another day".....Reece

Well I tried so hard to find the words, that today I wanted you to see,

to let you know I care a lot and what your feelings mean to me

. I know today is a sad, hard time, that's why I sit and write this rhyme

Because I care and love you friend, and want today your heart to mend.

Remember Jesse loves you so, and never will he let that go.

He will be watching down on his mum today, and if you wish then "cry" you may.

But just remember he is not gone, he will forever live in your heart,

and that his love for you is stronger still, than it ever was at the start.

For every day that passes by, he will always hold a torch for his mum, that's why life is so special, because of the love of your son.

Hold on to your memory, hold on to your love, he will never leave you, he's caring from above.

I know you miss him ever so much, but hes no longer in pain and fear, he's thinking of you in paradise, no longer does he shed a tear.

Love will keep you as one, mum and son forever, you will always be so very close, together forever and ever.

If you need a friend a helping hand, someone to share your tears, I will always be here for you, to take away your fears.

______

( Lissa)

The reason why I found a friend in Donna and others here is due to an unfortunate way. Despite me finding a great friendship here it is a sad reason why. I have a brother called Trevor, who I love dearly and who has been mentally ill for the past five and half years, he's only 22 now. My brother although we noticed his illness starting at the age of 17 in my eye's never had a fair chance of being treated due to what I call a very poor and unhelpful mental health service. My Dad passed away when I was seventeen I am 30 years old now and although I have a great step dad some things were left to my mum to deal with where Trevor was concerned. So that is where I stepped in. I attended all the hospital meetings with my mum or mum and brother I ended up writing to the health board with complaints, e mailing m.ps along with my mum. No one seemed to care no one wanted to listen. Trevor was in denial of his illness (as a lot of mental ill patients are) he would admit certain things to us but not the doctors. He heard voices eventually saw things and people who were not really there usually bad people in his mind coming after him to hurt him. Eventually it got worse and he regularly visited the hospital or doctor they gave him the odd anti depressant or sleeping pill nothing more. Then came the paranoia we had to watch while Trevor sand papered his teeth because the voices told him he had big teeth----- he has not. He shaved off all his hair which he loved with a bic razor cutting his head more than once, he shaved off his eyes brows, taped his nose down with so much tape you could barely see it. And still on knowledge of this they did nothing. Eventually after long battles they took him in under a section now i have lost track of how many times he has been sectioned and released after weeks some times days, one time they let him go cause he was being noisy and doing "their heads in". Eventually a doctor diagnosed him with schizophrenia. So many months later they lifted that off him and said he wasn't it was a personality disorder. So while they picked and choose what meds to put him on and believe me when i say he has been on them all, his system was being messed with he had very bad frightening side effects three times resorting in hospital states he grew more and more frightened which then stopped him talking to any of the doctors or even us to a point about how he felt and what he was thinking. Eventually things got real bad for him and he tried to kill himself with am over dose of his medication they gave him , he slipped into a coma (or what they call a deep sleep) He was in that state for two whole days, eventually coming round while i was with him. Then what do the docs do send him back to the mental health ward the one that scared him the ones that gave up. Two days later they let him go again alone without our knowledge and with a big bag of tablets. The fight for help continued the illness got stronger the doctors got more useless, we cried we feared we felt useless. Along the way we wrote to our mp, the hospital manager ect ect every one we could think of to this day we have had no help or concern. We were in touch with the pals office for along time they couldn't help in the end. We gave up and tried to help the best WE could it was hard. And while doctors lacked and medication frightened him to the point that we found him burning them in his yard so he didn't have to feel side effects without our knowledge he turned to drugs. First trying the weed, that sent him paranoid even more his friends (real friends) gave up on him told him to sort himself out. His new friends (the ones he thought were friends) dealers drug addicts came fast and thick. Stayed at his house ate his food took over his life he needed them as much as they needed his house and money. One time i went round with my mum and there was 20 of them in is flat. Then he went on to heroin smoking this which he did for a year or more and then finally not that so long ago we found needles in his house and he admitted he injects. He is on certain tablets now for his illness he too has to have tablets for his fits now too but still no one has diagnosed him or helped they havent even seen him at hospital for a year now. We had that many bad events with him i could not tell you of them all, he has even tried to attack me and mum different occasions one when i was on my own with him and as much as it hurt i had to call the police for my own safety, do you know what the police did spoke to him for 20 mins and left me to deal with him alone after, what is this world coming too.?> Since all of this Trevor has stolen off people helped his friends with a robbery took off my mum and abused our trust and love, and yet we still battle on we still love him we will still not give up. He is currently serving a 6 month prison sentence for his crimes which some would say he deserves and part of me agrees yet part of me feels for him because my brother has not been the brother i know since his illnessand since drugs has ruled his mind and heart his life actually. He does not see the pain we feel the tears we have cried and al we do for him drugs has made him egnorant to this. I pray every day for MY ltitle brother back and i will forever pray. My mum has suffered so much and she can do no moe for him if he comes out with the same ideals and plans what can she do!!!!!!!!. It's hard to lose some one in your life i know i lost my dad to cancer but nothing has prepared me for this on going battle to watch some one you love so much and want the best for pull them sleves down and destroy their life no matter what you say or try to do to stop them, as much as i love and miss my dad the pain gets easier to live with ,when some thing such as this goes on to a loved one the pain just grows and grows and grows it's a never ending battle which our strength is weaking by day by day. My heart goes out to all you people who understand my pain as to understand is to be there too.

Lissa

One Lost - Two Saved

I write about my sister who died on 8/10/02. She was 41 years old and battled with drugs on and off but mostly on during her short life here. I also feel she had some type of undiagnosed mental disease. Weird of all the things for me about her death was her drug of choice was not heroin, it was crack-cocaine but yet she died of a heroin overdose. She would always be telling me to promise her that I would never try heroin, I mean this goes back many years at least 10, and I would say you promise me too...Well I have not tried heroin and really have no desire to do it, so hopefully I can live up to the promise I made to her. Growing up with two older sisters was fun in so many ways for me. I was into all fun types of programs within my school. My senior year I was co-head of our varsity cheerleading squad. My sister was always on the outside looking in, she never wanted to try to participate in any thing, yet she was so smart book wise, brain wise that I was always amazed by how fast she could read a book or know the answers on issues that I know she did not study. I would never tell her how proud I was of how smart she was. I would hardly even admit to anyone that knew her, that she was my sister. I would say she was adopted. Yes, I was very very immature. I could not and would not be seen or hang around with any "burnout's", to me, she was a loser and I was so much better than her. Well as the years flew by she was in and out of trouble, you know how the story goes.....

but guess what became of me...

I started living my life in the fast lane, too fast. I traveled 36 weeks out of the year for my job and my boyfriend was and an addict. He had a connection in every city we went to even in Hawaii. I was using Cocaine on a daily basis for 3 years, I was still fine because I would never smoke it just snort it. That made me better than my boyfriend who really should have been a Scientist because he had the free basing down to an art. Well three years into this life style of not caring about nothing or anybody but the white powder that I would risk my life for, I tried smoking it. I loved it!!! The ringing in the ears was the best. The seizure that came along the way for me, did not have an impact on me whatsoever because I could not remember a thing about them. I would wake up or come out of it wanting the pipe. My family thought I might be into drugs, but then again no not our girl, she's the good daughter!!! My sister was the only one that reached out to me time and time again. She would call me and say I know what you are doing and you need to stop. She would call me all the time and beg of me to stop. Finally 5 years ago when everything was sold or pawn, my boyfriend and I hit the bottom and made a pact to each other that we would stop, I mean we really got sick of being sick and tried. We had no money. We started over again and today we still are drug free. During 5 years of sobriety, I became close to my sister for the first time in my life, in the beginning we both were clean and it really wasn't until about a year and half ago that she started using crack again. Why did she do it. ? She said she just wanted to escape for awhile. Her husband was the heroin addict. She tried to get him to use crack instead but in the end he got her to use heroin and I guess she ended up using heroin more than crack. She told me she was (ONLY) smoking it. She was planning on stopping soon....

Well soon was to late. The medical examiner explained the toxicology report to me, which was she only had heroin in her system, no alcohol or crack or barbiturates. She had several needle marks in her right arm, also that it was in her opinion that she was in a coma for at least 3 hours prior to her death. Her husband was to messed up to get her the help she needed, in the end maybe that was a blessing for her. I really feel when her soul was leaving her broken down, worn out body, she looked down and could see her body and had a choice to make, either to come back to that body or go to the other side where things could and must be better for her. She is not alone anymore. I love her so very much. I am grateful for what I had to go through to understand what my sister went through most of her life. I had the chance to tell her how sorry I was for being so mean to her when we were growing up. She said we were just kids, what did we know.

Please know that you are in my heart in thoughts sister mine.

Life can go on without drugs.....I'm proof !!!! Fight the good fight, I'm in it until the end...... An ex-user and proud of it!

Reece

Education is the Key

Don't believe your kid would never do that A friend of mine was saying one young fellow convinced his parents that Heroin wasn't that bad to try it, and they did now the 3 of them are on Methadone, How pathetic. I think that story is a prime example for parents to get educated on the dangers of drugs, I believe kids should be educated earlier of the dangers of addictions of all kinds. To much emphasis is put on support of addicts after the fact and there is not enough programs aimed at truthfully relating the dangers and the ends people will go to obtain their drugs, e.g. theft, prostitution, etc. Parents like me always think my child wouldn't do that we have brought them up better than that, but parent need to be educated that these are the realities that go along with addiction in a lot of cases and then we might be a bit more vigilant and step in earlier.

Well that is just my view, I believe in helping our kids when they are addicted but wouldn't it be better if we could see the signs earlier and intervene before there is a real problem. I was one such parent I thought my son would know better, I shrugged of the tantrums and the suicide threats as just adolescence "Oh he's just going through the terrible teens" I thought its just ganja! heaps of people smoke that, but there are those people with under-laying psych problems that get a taste for it and under the influence of it go on to other more dangerous drugs. My son got addicted to Morphine and a taste for speed and had epilepsy so the mixture of these drugs did kill him. That is a very hard lesson to learn, and one I would not wish on anyone.

In 5 years of addiction I had some horrific experiences, hanging of Jesses pants getting dragged along the ground as he was trying to throw himself in front of cars, riding on his back trying to pin his arms apart as he had a razor blade in each hand and was slashing his arms, him begging me to knock him out with his baseball bat so he wouldn't go out and score, and the saddest most pathetic sight of finding the door locked and when I broke it down- finding him sitting there with a large bowl on his lap, cutting his wrists,-- THE BOWL So he wouldn't make a mess for me to clean up because I wasn't well. Or having dealers try and run me over, Of a dealer coming to the house to drive Jesse to the hock shop so he could then pay him for his drugs, that dealer is dead now also—Oh Jesse going out and collecting money for a dealer so he could get his supply of drugs, he is also dead now, and then having Jesse cry because he hated doing what he had to, to get his drugs and wanting to die. Then sticking by him as he went through rehab where he couldn't take his psych meds, because it was an abstinence facility, so he never succeeded, all it done was drop his tolerance down and then 2 weeks later ---- the final day going in his room and not being able to wake him—shaking him while he was like a rag doll,—blowing my breathe into him, trying to give him life and having that horrible fetid smell of decay come back out of trying to bring him back, my baby just peace fully sleeping--- BUT NEVER TO WAKE ANY MORE— So for Christ sake don't ever believe just ganja is okay in some cases its not, it is the start to addiction in so many cases.

Educate yourselves, take those warning signs very serious, never think its just gunja they will grow out of it because some people have under-laying issues that make them more prone to addiction and suicide, and these people will experiment in the future, and more than likely join all our kids that have already been sacrificed to drugs or suicide.

Donna Kittel

Baby Brother

You left behind three sisters, Sis is what you called us.

We were all around when you were born,Four mothers you had to spoil you.

We rocked and pushed you for hours on end, For if we didn't you sure let us know.

The baby brother we possessed in our hearts, You were never a bother at all,

Our Mother who bore you and loved you, With the greatest love of all,

Had to leave you when you were still quite small.

In the years there after you couldn't, Remember being with her at all,

We tried to tell you honestly, You were her greatest joy,

Now your up above and in her arms once more, Safe within their folds.

The little boy inside you, will once again be loved By the greatest love of all.

Written for Patrick by his Sister Diana, Who helped care for him from an early age, after the death of their mother, only to loose him as well. But Patrick lives on in his three beautiful daughters, His sisters will never let them forget, they were his greatest love of all.

Diana

About Jesse's Poetry

I shared the tears with you Donna I really did its lovely and the photo is perfect. The poem is something I have had pleasure of reading from you before, but it looks brilliant the way it was put down with his pic is this on your new web, I am yet to write on there and I will for you for Jesse and for others as it will read the struggle the pain the fears and the break through I'm writing it on paper now to copy to your web later when it is perfect I hope you can use it. I couldn't find a better place to put it all to rest, than jesses wish web, as it was jesses wish and his mum who helped us get this far in spirit you have been so amazing and seeing and reading Jesse's poems and memorial page helped me a lot to understand, some of what Jesse wrote in his poem I just read is so what Trevor is trying to say too, did I ever tell you I gave Trevor Jesses picture and poems and memorial page, god hope you don't mind but it stole my heart and when Trevor was on the drugs and feeling the mind games I wanted him to read this now. We mum and I were surprised as then we didn't think he would care or read it as he was on the drugs and cared of nothing, but he did read it, one night my mum was there and do you know despite the drugs and the feelings of disrespect that can go with it he read it and he cried at one point, he put it down while reading the poem the one I have just read again here on your mail and said he could not read anymore, he couldn't get over or understand then how someone so young can die, he didn't understand the dangers of the drugs what with his mental state too. Then my mum said he picked it up again and read it all over again and cried. Hes kept the pages there in his draw. It was as if he knew and understood just what Jesse was feeling then and understood where he was coming from, he looked at Jesse's photo for a long time and then said nothing said he didn't want to talk about it and put it away didn't throw it like he has done with certain information forms on drugs and illness and as far as i know it is still there in his house. I hope you don't mind but I would like to save this poem and picture to my pc let me know if that's okay

Love Lissa and thanks for sharing that with me.xxxxxx

Interesting story from Donna

This should be "The Picture of the Year," or perhaps, "Picture of the Decade."

It won't be. In fact, unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably will never see it. The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by a surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta. She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb. During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr. Bruner completed the surgery on little Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed, hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. In a Time Europe article highlighting new pregnanacy imagery that show the formation of major organs and other significant evidence of the formation of human life but a few days after conception, Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity. The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope." The text explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life." Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the picture. She said, "The photo reminds us my pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person." Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 per cent successful. .

The world needs to see this one! I wanted to share this photo with you all it is amazing and I was crying when I seen it--it it is awe inspiring----we may have lost a loved one but there is a little miracle like this out there every day and it should encourage us all to appreciate what we had and try and help give these other little gifts the best chance in life we can, by spreading the word about the dangers of drugs. Love to you all Donna

A Mothers PAIN 1981 - 2003

Hello this is my story about my Daughter Justine...

Justine started smoking Marijuana in Year 7 at 13 yrs. By 16 yrs Just me progressed onto ADD medication and using speed and drinking alcohol. When Justine was 16 she had drank a bottle of Bourbon and was heading out with a couple of friends for New Years Eve. I did not find out until her friends parents came around and woke us up at 1.00 in the morning to say Justine was in the emergency at the Hospital. She had collapsed on the footpath and had knocked her self out. One time Justine had a fight with her boyfriend and had a mixture of drugs and overdosed. I went to see her in Emergency at the Hospital and she was crying her eyes out, and she felt at the time she was dying, and there was nothing she could do about it. She is just lucky in the end her friends called an Ambulance and they caught her just in time. But damage had been done, she was in coronary care for a few days and it affected her back as well, she is still in pain still today. After a possessive and abusive boyfriend for two years, they spilt up and Justine had no friends anymore. Only 1 friend kept in touch with her, one night they went out and met up with some guy that convinced them to try heroin, saying just try a little…. When I first discovered her heroin use it was by accident, I knew a few signs and had seen her arms bruised. I was distraught we had a few physical fights. I just could not believe, the one thing that I had always been scarred of, now she was on it….

I told her to leave and put a note on the door "No Junkies Allowed" and refused to let her in for a week. I have always feared heroin and its effects and consequences….I was so scared I didn't’t know what to do. I contacted our Drug and Alcohol people and talked with counselors, which did help. I looked into treatment options. They said, as she had not been using for too long. I was about 6 months, that she could try a herbal detoxing kit. She went to stay with her Father in the country and detoxed. They had a rough week, but she had not used in a week and came home. I thought that once you stop that's it. I did not realize how bad the cravings become for heroin. Not long after this I found out that Justine was back on heroin, she would hide it, lie to me about it. I could see her pinned eyes, but she would deny it. Justine and her friend would head out for the day and steal and scam to get money for heroin. Justine would tell me about her friend, but not say much about her own problem, her friend stole a disabled girls wallet, and this is how desperate they can get. I finally got her to stop again another 6 months later and she went to TAFE, then had 3 part time jobs, saved up for a car and got her license. I was so proud of her and thought that the past was well and true behind us.

Then 12 months later her friend shows up again, and Justine said that she talked her into using heroin again. She said she did not want to and broke down crying. But it had got hold of her so quick again. She was hanging around the same group of friends and all were all using. Justine had no other friends, and she said they were her only friends she had now. After 3 years of all this heartache I have just found out she has been working as a prostitute to fund her addiction to Heroin. I do know what will happen to us...

But Please No One Ever Try Heroin... It Is Wicked... I Have Seen What It Has Turned My Daughter Into...What She Will Do To Get It... What it has done to our family… I am hurt, confused and angry I don't know what to do… I dont know what Justine’s future holds or if she has a future. I just want to warn other parents to learn all you can and don’t ever think, drug use is something they will grow out of, dont ever think you child wouldn't do that… because they will they beg, borrow and steal for that next fix. They are not the same child you raised they are ruled by the powder that controls mind body and soul, they are not yours anymore they are slaves to Heroin, and we dont know what the outcome will be ?

All I have left is the thought: Where there is Life there is Hope I Hope my daughter can survive

Luce

What to do??????

I am sitting here today thinking about the action I have taken against my own son.

But I have tried every thing Ican think off to help and I have been abused for my trouble and for my love of my son.

. The time has come to let go for ever, I will always love my son but he is gone and in his place is this very nasty drug addict who

cares not for me or any one, other than his drugs.

I lost him a very long time ago, I just did not want to except it, but now there is no choice,

he chose his drugs, I choose a life with out his abuse and with that it means a life with out him.

After 10 years of trying I have now accepted that I can not and will not live another day like today,

I went to court and ask for a restraining order and it was granted.

With that came relief and some sadness, knowing that I will not have contact with my son for at least 2 years,.

but nor will I have abuse and on going sadness.

. I have taken my life back and that gives me some peace at last,. I know that he may not make it and I might not ever see him again, but I feel that I lost him a very long time ago.

What will be will be! I am going to live my life the way I choose and he will have to do the same.

So all you parents out there living in this nightmare, I wish you luck, but remember the only way they will ever change is when they accept that they have a problem and that it is no one else's fault or choice, but theirs.

In setting myself free, I hope my actions will help him to accept his drug problems and find his way back home one day...

Sue--- Perth

The view of an addict still struggling with his demons... I can't count the number of times family members have said I would be better off dead. The irony? I felt that way and in a sense, we would be. We know that we are not what is hated, but that our drug use is the target. We are the one's that are guilty and hateful of ourselves. What you say only reinforces that voice inside our heads that tell us on a daily basis, that we are flawed. I have friends and close family members that have died of this illness. I miss them, but I don't grieve like I would for an innocent child. Why? Because I know they are doing just fine. I know that they don't have to struggle and fight for normalcy anymore. Sometimes I resent that. We all have something in us that keeps us trying. Some of us adapt, others lose the struggle. Many times I have continued for others. I have children and a loving family. We are bright troubled people. I know this; you can either celebrate his life or grieve forever in his dying. We do not want that for our loved ones. We want you to be happy. We cause so much sadness and anguish in our lives. We certainly do not want that to continue in our deaths. Allow yourselves some peace. Lose your guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty of. We are just grateful to have had people who loved us,despite of our flaws. Remember us and be proud. We are not bad people. We are usually very sensitive, take away the drugs and we will do anything for you. I remember the passing addict daily. I miss them, but I know they are doing very well in their new place. They are my angels. Allow them to be yours...

Randy P.S. I turned 45 on November 17th. The struggle continues! Take care of yourselves and enjoy your lives.

Randy

---

Songsri - 7 Jan, 2003 Thank you Randy

… For expressing your feelings. It helps me to understand my children’s feelings. But it is still hard for us parents not to worry when we know that our children doing harm to themselves. Each day we live in fear that our child will not survive. We try to live our lives and let them deal with their lives, but it is not that simple. We try to understand them, but we also have feelings and a life to live. We try to think that the needles we find in our children’s rooms are not as bad as they seem, but at the back of our minds we know that it is a sign of self harm. Are we bad parents? We are hard working parents, do not smoke and rarely drink. We attended most of the school activities and the mother is home most of the time. They were and still are beautiful children, except they addicted to heroin. I do not think it is any fault of the parents when their child is addicted to drugs. Yet I blame myself, because I used to let street kids stay at our house, as I felt sorry for them and they have no where to go. My great sorrow is, that through my kindness to others, my own children were exposed to drugs. I thought that my children would know how to say ‘NO’, as they knew the dangers of drugs. I should have known better, or I would have know better, if I was more up to date on the social trends and childrens attitudes to drugs. But think about it, our society helps the drugs trend. We are so materialistic and put to much value on money. Money creates power and therefore many of us will do any thing to have power, sometimes at the cost of our children’s well being. New technology make’s communication so fast that the spreading of the drugs is enormous through new technology, eg. Mobile phones. Think about it, how can we stop the spreading of the drugs. May be if we all suffer the inconvenience of not using modern technology eg: children not being allowed to take money to school, or not having mobile phones given them until 18 or they have a job. The children can take lunch to school or we can pay the school to provide the children’s lunch. This way it not only safe the money but the children will also have a proper meal. The mobile phone is suppose to relief parents' anxiety, but it seems to be the opposite – in-fact the stress of large phone bills, the convenience of them being able to ring around dealers to find drugs easily, loosing the mobile phone or selling them for drugs. Oh well, it is a dream, but it is a dream that can come true, if we suffer together (with less convenience) for a while maybe we can go some way to ensuring our children and grandchildren have a better future.

Songsri

We as a family have been suffering along side a family member for the past six years this march, that person to me is my brother. He is 23 years old , he started using drugs about three four years ago now its and to say for sure when as it goes on for awhile with out you even knowing no matter how close your family are. However he has been struggling with a mental illness for the past six years which to date we still have not had diagnosed its a long story but right I am in process of taking up a very big complaint against the nhs mental health on the lines of medical neglect, less said about that the better right now though for legal reasons. So hence why my brother ended up trying out and living with the drugs, it helped him in a strange kind of way although we wish to god he never tried the first try, we have been fighting the illness with him and the drugs and it has been a up hill struggle still is. My brother at the moment is in the care of a mental hospital in a locked unit as he has really been bad these past say eight months or so. this new hospital are seeing what we have always seen and i hope will not let us down but as i have very little faith in the hospital s right now i wont hold my breath just yet for too long. So you have a family member with a mental illness here who has no support or understanding from the hospitals local groups or any one but us but our hands are tied so what does he do gets in th wrong crowd tries out the drugs the drugs takes his pain away in a sense they take away his voices and his fears and stops the whisperings going on in his head while he tries to sleep he sees no other danger with the drugs no matter what we say he feels free and safe, the voices (demands) as he calls them have left him alone, no tablet from the doc was doing this for him, in the mean time he is going down hill fast in health he is full of hate and he no longer cares about himself his life or us. we get him off the drugs touch wood so far it has only been about 8 months only due to being locked up right now in hospital, and now his voices are back he is in a world of his own he is scared fed up doesn't want to see any one we have been able to see him for 45 minutes once in 8 months, he is like a stranger i was scared as to what I said and how I said it for fear of upsetting this other person he is. Its about time the hospitals realized they should work with the drugs and the illness together as while he was doing drugs they did not want to help yet he was ill before them and don't they see it works both ways you can be ill and turn to drugs for lack of medical help or you can start drugs for what ever cause and end up mentally ill and they just don't care these doctors we are the ones who are left to watch our loved ones disappear as that's what is happening here Iwant my brother back and yet I feel this is never to be now it is far too late . nothing has gotten better in the six years we have been trying and when we ask for a diagnosis we are asked why we want to label him, that is the last thing we want a diagnosis for we just want to know what is wrong so it can be treated correctly instead of this. I don't know if anyone else is dealing with a family member like this but if there is I really understand what you are going through and I send my love to you and all involved that goes to all the people out there suffering with a drug addiction or a family or friend who is

Lissa

HOPES STORY

Hello, Let me introduce myself and tell everyone a little about my reason for being here. My name is Hope. I lost, a very near and dear to my heart, nephew. Well, actually he was more like a little brother since my mom took him to raise from my sister who was and still is a drug addict. We lost Aaron on Dec.13, 2002 to morphine/heroin. He had recently been diagnosed Bi-Polar, manic depressive. He also had trouble with panic attacks. He had recently been prescribed Depakote, Paxil, and Thorazine. He had been incarcerated for 6 mos. when the day before he died, he was released without any notice, at 12:00 noon. I thank the Lord Above for giving me the chance to see him one last time. He resided with my mother(his grandmother) and she found him barely clinging to life around 2am the very next morning. He didn't make it. He was 23 years old. Aaron came into this world on Feb.18,1979. He was the second of 4 children. His mother(my sister)started using drugs when he was around the age of 3. My mother took him and his older brother to raise when they were 10 and 7, and my sister was at her worst(0r so we thought). Aaron always seemed to be the awkward one. Very shy, timid and emotional. He was this way all of his short life. As a teen he was always trying some sort of drug, and usually having a bad time with it. He was also always looking for a girlfriend to have a serious relationship with. When Aaron loved you, He Loved you for real. He was in and out of trouble with the law off and on. Around the age of twenty he started using the drug heroin,or atleast this is the first time that we know of him using it and he said it was. He came in one night, went straight to bed and the next morning my mom came in the room to check on him and he was barely breathing. Paramedics were called and he was rushed to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital, which was soon after he had gotten there he was barely awake. I pleaded for him to wake up and talk to me. He could not even speak, but the look on his face ripped my heart out. He was paralyzed with fear, the fear you get when you think you might not make it out alive. But he couldn't speak. A couple of days later, when he had recovered enough to talk about it, he admitted to using heroin, and promised me that day, he would never ever use it again. He said it had scared him. I believed him. He still used drugs, cocaine, crystal meth, xanax, valium, just about any pain killer he could get he would use, I think it numbed the pain he was feeling inside. He soon met a girl that he married. We were so happy for Aaron, thinking that maybe this would be his turning point. It was alright, it seemed his addiction to drugs and alcohol escalated to new heights. He lived in Hotels, Motels, and stayed in the strip clubs (as this is where his "wife" worked), when he wasn't living at my mom's. He started to get in more trouble, legal wise. He was eventually incarcerated for violation of probation. While incarcerated he was diagnosed as Bi-polar, manic depressive. He was then put on meds. The last 3 months of his incarceration he gained an astonishing 85 pds. This was a boy, who throughout his entire adult life had never weighed over 150, now weighed 211 pds. He was released early with no notice and called for my mom to come and pick him up, of course with his wife, whom also lived at my mothers home. They came back home. I came over to see him that after noon around 4pm. He looked so good. He was so proud of that belly. He was smiling and rubbing his stomach, as if to say, Ha ! Look at me now ! That picture is forever etched in my mind. He couldn't even fit into his own clothes anymore. It was a sight to behold. If i had known it was to be my last sight of him, I would have never left his side. His wife went to work, and my parents were in the bed along with his little brother and sister. My mom awakened sometime that morning around 2am, his tv was on and he seemed to be sleeping on the floor next to his bed, when my mother tried to arouse him to get in the bed thats when they noticed. Paramedics were called and they announced before leaving the house, it didn't look good. They called soon after arriving at the hospital, Aaron didn't make it this time. We were unaware of any drugs that he might have taken as no one seen him leave or anyone come over. It wasn't til the autopsy report came in and they had ruled it an accidental overdose of morphine. Which they say could have been heroin, as heroin breaks down within 3 hours of entering the body into morphine. Aaron had no provisions. And our family didn't either. My mother in law gave us a cemetery plot, and the church and funeral director donated the services for his funeral. I had to assume the role of caretaker to get this done. His wife and mother were to consumed with theirselves to even help out. I have a lot of resentment towards them for this. The night of the viewing, I lost all my ability to cope, and broke down. I couldn't stand the thought of having to say goodbye to this beautiful baby boy. It was so unfair. To compound matters his so called "friends" were coming up to the casket and placing marijuana cigarettes, and cocaine packages in his pants pockets. His wife was drinking right there in the funeral home, and was becoming a real mess. His mother had been put in jail for a warrant she had the night after he passed. It was awful. I never want anyone, let alone myself, to have to go through that sort of thing. ever. I miss him still so very much, It hurts today, as it did the morning they called to say he didn't make it. Thank you for taking your time to read this, And for everyone who has lost someone, either in death from drugs or to drugs........Please know that YOU are NOT Alone !!! With Heartfelt Prayers,

Hope

CRAIGE'S STORY

Hello my name is craige.I was diagnosed with Raynauds disease About ten years ago.this is very much like frost bite.the blood supply to the extremities(the fingers and toes)I continued to work for the first three years and my condition continued to get worse.I was advised that if I didn't move up north(for the warmer weather)I would be facing amputation.So I gave notice to my boss(I am a Furniture Polisher tradesman)and packed up everything and headed north.(October 1995)I arrived in Katherine and bought myself a tent and was staying at a caravan for approximatly 3 months when It started to get cold at nights.My fingers and toes started to go black and the pain was unbearable.After seeing a doctor in Katherine He suggested that I keep going north.Darwin doesn't get as cold as Katherine so off I headed for Darwin. After setting up myself at the Shady Glen Caravan park I was hospitalised with ulsers on my fingers and toes.As living at the caravan park I was having trouble keeping my ulsers clean and I got infectoins.I applied for emergency housing and two weeks later they had me in a unit.I had skin graphs on my toes and was put on M.S Contin(morphine).*I had no Idea what morphine was so when I came out of hospital I was already addicted.I was told that I was not to run out of this medication because I would experience withdawls.As with everyone the dose got higher and higher and seven years later I was on 400mgs a day and I couldn't care about anything. I didn't even know that I had a problem until I actually robbed a chemist.I had been very sick and I couldn't hold anything down so I was taking extra tablets and Because its prescribed to me it has to last.You cant just ask for more This experience with the chemist made me realiseI had a real problem.I went straight to my doctor and told him what I had done and he cut me back to 300mgs a day. things started to become clearerand I found myself getting out more and even mixing with my neighbours wich I had'nt even thought about.Things were going O.K but I still felt that I was going back to the way I was.So the next time I had to see my doctor I asked to be taken right off the Morphine and to tackle my pain another way.He gave me the option of a short term withdrawl program or a slower more longer whithdrawl program.I opted for the short term rapid detox using Subutex(beupernorphine).I made an appointment to see a counceller to make an assesment and a hospital doctor two days later and three days later I started the Subutex program.The hospital doctor told me to take my last dose 2pm on Sunday so when I met my counceller on the Monday morning I was hanging -------.

Day 1/ They started me on 2mgs taken under the tongue at the chemist.I was given a 2mg takeaway to take home and take at 6 or 7pm.I took the first dose and went home and I had bad withdrawls and took my second dose too early. 2pm.this made me go into a rapid withdrawl which is not good.I found that I could'nt sleep.All my joints were aching ,hot and cold flushes ,blurry vision,stomach cramps etc etc.When I had to see my counceller the next morning I told her what I had done ---------

Day 2/:After a hell of a night with no sleep at all I dragged myself down to the chemist.4mgs under the tongue with a 4mg takeway for 6pm.This time I gave it to my good friend and neighbour to give to me so I could'nt take it early again.I still had all the wiithdrawls that I was going through the previous day.I was having trouble eating so I bought some instant soup and forsed myself to just sip at it I also bought some Sustagen powder and sipped on that also.I found that I was rocking a lot but don't let this bother you because what ever works to eleviate the withdrawl pains just do it.I found myself sometimes rocking on a chair for hours at a time with a pillow rammed into my stomach.I thought that my pains weren't quite as bad as the day before. I had another sleepless night again rocking and rolling -------

Day 3:After a sleepless night daylight came and I was very sick vomiting etc I dragged myself to the chemist againThis time I had 8mgs under the tounge with no takeway for the afternoon.This bothered me a bit because I suppose It was like habit to just take a tablet (morphine) when I felt like it.I still felt like I wasn't getting any releif but after an hour I was at Donnas(my support and neighbour) and she came out with 4 boiled eggs and two pieces of toast.I was very surprised. to find that I actually atetwo eggs and later I ate a chicken roll for lunch.The worst part for me at this stage is my smell and taste.Apart from the constant pain in all of my joints and the stomach cramps I had this horrible smell all the time and everything tasted like the horrible smell but by day 4 this started to come good and the soup started to taste good. Morning 4:Finally I managed to get blocks of an hour or so of sleep slill I could'nt sleep for long but it wasn't bothering me as much.I fellt a bit better because I managed to get food into me the day before -------

Day 4.Off to the chemist again and this time I even managed to give Loise(my social worker)a smile.I told her about my sleeping patterns and she said that she would have a talk to the doctor.I had another 8mg tablet under the tongue and even went to MacDonalds for a breakfast to treat myself and here I am today writing this so If theres anyone that wants to get off it can be done.Stay tuned to this web site for more as I am only on day 4 so I still have a way to go but I must stay positive and keep my mind busy.--------

Day 5:I had a really good nights sleep for the first time last night.The doctor gave me a couple of Temazepam so I could get some sleep.I woke up feeling heaps better.I was still getting cold flushes but not as bad.My stomach aches are gone.I had a hot shower and rode down to the chemist feeling much brighter. 6mgs under the tongue. To treat myself I went to McDonalds for breakfast feeling hungry.I can't remember the last time I was hungry for breakfast. If there's anyone reading this who wants to try Subutex, please feel free to ask me anything at all. You hav